Wait for something wild.

I'm always living in the hope that one day I'll be back at the stage where weekends have meaning, day to night is important, and I can remember what day it is because they won't all be the same thing.

I've forgotten what it's like to be a person of the outside world, or reality for that matter, because let's face it, I'm not living in the real world, this is a completely parallel universe to the everyday slug. People crave the weekend, the days off, the holidays - I crave the harsh reality of getting up in the morning and getting ready to do something purposeful, productive, something with actual relevance.

At the moment I don't have that, I have dreams of other lives that will never be and ideas that'll never become reality, and I've got to wonder why. Why am I still living? There has to be a purpose to life, else why would we be here, human existence can't be pointless, so why would my existence be any different, I mean, last time I checked I was human to.

What am I on this earth to do?
Why haven't I found it yet?

Who knows how many years I'll be here, but I know that somewhere along the line I'll have to have done something that matters. Or maybe that's just hope, a pipe dream of mine that has long been embedded into my mind, one day I'll matter, that's what I'm always thinking - well actually it's more like "I wish that one day, I will matter". I don't even mean in the fashion that I'll be remembered, or famous, I just want to have done something that lives on and matters after I go. Even now I'm writing, and for what? It's not like anyone will actually be too bothered, I mean sure it might be interesting to read, but nobody needs an insight into my mind, I'm not of importance. I can bet that this will be read on here, facebook, tumblr, whatever, and then once read it'll be tossed aside and never thought of again, maybe with a thought of how much shit I chat and how I should probably just buck the fuck up and get over it.

I'm not saying I'm alone, I know there are others that write like this, thinking the same thoughts, but still we all feel alone. It's a strange situation.

I often think, what do we do with our dreams? Do we just let them pass us by and be a typical faceless employee, wishing that (s)he followed their dreams instead of working a dead end job just to survive, or do we follow them, in the hope they'll come true, and most likely end up as someone who's wasted their whole life chasing a false reality. Either way it's the cliché - but I suppose it's only give then cliché tag because it's so common - and nobody wants to end up that way. We all want to be the unlikely one that has their dream come true, but we have to make a decision which has risks on both sides, and it's a hard decision to make, because one leads to disappointment, and the other leads to a possibility of a wasted life coupled with shattered dreams.